I Love Free T-Shirts But I Don’t Like Sweary T-Shirts

Thank you kindly to the guys at Sell Sell for sending me a free t-shirt. I love free t-shirts. When I get sent them I’ll blog about them or Tweet them or whatever. I’m a free t-shirt-whore-blogger.

Here’s the t-shirt they sent:


I don’t know why it is, but I find swearwords on t-shirts incredibly offensive. So much so that I couldn’t blog the picture without blanking them out. Which is really strange because I don’t mind a bit of colourful language in real life. I use it on my blog. I use it on Twitter. But I feel like there’s something just really crass and vile about sweary t-shirts. Or maybe I’m just becoming a prude.

I guess it’s the fact that your swearyness is being imposed on other people. In the same way I don’t like people shouting swears on the street. But if someone has opted in to the odd swearword through following me on Twitter then I have slightly less reservations about it.

I don’t want to appear ungrateful. But at the same time I suppose I am being really ungrateful. Oh, and whilst I’m in full-on ungrateful git mode: XL is really massive (for anyone wishing to send me any kind of t-shirt medium is a good bet – the Poke address is as good a place as any to mail things).

This t-shirt actually makes me feel sorry for Jonathan from Spotify. I don’t like the idea of people hating him this much. I liked light-hearted ribbing of him – and calling him a Croc-Wearer, is about as far as his crime goes in my book. This t-shirt based fatwa is a step too far.

Jonathan, if it makes you feel any better I won’t be wearing this t-shirt.

Sorry Sell Sell guys. But thanks for the t-shirt. It was a lovely and kind gesture. I’m sure there will be people who like the t-shirt, and some of them might hopefully see it here.

16 thoughts on “I Love Free T-Shirts But I Don’t Like Sweary T-Shirts”

  1. Couldn’t agree more. All the gentle wit and warmth of lines like:

    Jonathan from Spotify lives with his parents or Jonathan from Spotify says his tweets out loud on the bus

    The insult should fit the crime.

    So, if it were Amanda Holden, or Justin Lee Collins, or Jeremy Clarkson, then, why your t-shirt would be spot on

  2. @simon LOL @ Jeremy Clarkson. That’s SO right!

    And I agree with your feelings about the T-Shirt Iain.

  3. I have a (Howies) T-shirt from a few years ago that says ‘Corporate Wanker’ with an arrow pointing left, which is funny, but I’ve only ever worn it once for the same reasons as you’ve highlighted. It’s funny to think ‘Corporate Wanker’ whilst standing next to someone you’ve assumed is one. You might even tell them to their face, but claiming it on a t-shirt… nope. That one is in the draw just waiting to be used to polish some shoes – if I still polished shoes. Which I don’t.

  4. It’s like pointing a big flashing neon sign at yourself saying “Form an instant opinion about me based on THIS”.

  5. Ha ha no worries Ian, your post made us chuckle. It is a bit broad isn’t it?
    The thing is, we had spotify on in the office for weeks, and it got to the point where every time ‘that’ message came on, someone would should shout out “oh fuck off Jonathan from spotify!”. So became the t-shirt. Just a bit of fun really.
    We’ll get you a medium in future.

  6. Thanks for the comment, and thanks again for the t-shirt.

    I was originally going to say something about how poor Jonathan is only doing his job. But then I realised that made him sound like a Nazi war criminal, which is even worse than telling him to fuck off.

  7. Swearing on t-shirt was cool when the inspiral carpets did it with Cool as Fuck, but that was 20 years ago and its a one-time joke.

  8. Oh come on… Adam from Spotify is one thousand times more annoying than Jonathon! I hate him! I swear he is a trick to get more people to sign up for premium!

  9. Good for you, Iain. I hate swearing on T-shirts too, for the same reason you do: not everyone likes swearing, so we shouldn’t do it in the open where anyone can hear (or read) us. It’s common courtesy, unfashionable as that often appears to be.

    All too often I sit on trains with people – often older people, or those with children – shifting and squirming uncomfortably while someone else fucks and shits and wankers into their phone, or their friend’s ear. I regard sweary t-shirts as equally insensitive and unpleasant. (And I speak as a fervent, passionate swearer.)

    This is the basis of my intense loathing of the FCUK brand, which remains undimmed despite its happy and much-delayed passing. But don’t get me started on that.

    Sorry to sound off, but you’ve struck a nerve. All power to your blacking-out.

  10. And to think I only offered to do the ads ‘cos the girls were starting to get stalked …ah well!

    Think they could have had the decency to send me one of the t-shirts though – I suspect the mrs would put it to good use.

    Anyhow thanks Iain (especially for not pitching me as a Nazi war criminal), always had you down as a good egg

    Jonathan, from Spotify.

  11. Look Jonathan, didn’t we tell you to f*ck off?
    Just joking, obviously.
    I believe a ‘friend’ of yours asked for one, so you may see it soon. Of course we’d be happy to send you one, just send us your address to doubles [at] sellsell.co.uk – if you really want one.

    “It’s not even ironed” is my favorite bit of critique this year I think.


  12. I am said Friend, and too felt horrible guilt about wearing the actual t-shirt or indeed getting his Mrs to as I threatened to on the original post, despite telling Jonathan from Spotify to F@*k off to his face consistently over the years.

    However I can confirm the truth that:

    Jonathan from Spotify does wear chinos
    Jonathan from Spotify absolutely refuses to put a donk on anything
    and Jonathan from Spotify does indeed like big butts and he cannot lie

    And I would proudly wear a T-Shirt telling the world so

    Cheers for the Shirt!

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