Is This the Best Customer Service Email Ever?

From Southern Trains.

It’s totally fantastic. It’s like someone’s got totally shitfaced on logistics-booze and then sat down and written an email.

Dear Mr Tait

Thank you for your email.

I would advise you to reply to the consultation document by the deadline to influence the outcome http://southernrailway.com/content/doc/cms/0637_London_Bridge_Proposals.pdf
The consultation does not claim to be increasing capacity. There is no extra capacity available. It is about re-instating a direct train between Brighton and London Bridge which is moving capacity.
The loads are expected to be similar to before the timetable change i.e. Brighton predicted to on average load with 193 passengers in 223 seats, that means passengers have to use the middle seats of the 3 x 2 seating or people will stand and the Littlehampton portion is predicted to have an average load of 444 in 446 from Wivelsfield, which with the uneven loading of trains means inevitable standing.
From Haywards Heath it is predicted to have an average load of 729 in 669 seats, which is substantial standing.
The consultation document does not hide any of that. It is an open and honest evaluation of the implications to implement the request from passengers to reinstate a direct Brighton to London Bridge train where there is no spare capacity squeezed between the Brighton Victoria Gatwick Express trains required by the DFT specification after their consultation.
Having said that, further to the above I understand that from 23 March there will be a train departing Brighton at 0637 which will run fast to Haywards Heath and connect with the 0557 train from Littlehampton arriving London Bridge at 0744.
I am sure there will be a lot of passengers from Brighton who will be pleased to see a train at this time reinstated to London Bridge.

Regards
xxxxx xxxxx

I’ve not messed with the spacing either, it arrived like a lunatic’s stream of conciousness.

I’m still not sure if I can ever get to work again though.

5 thoughts on “Is This the Best Customer Service Email Ever?”

  1. This is bloody brilliant!! Hahahahahahahaha! Shitfaced company rep who was forced to reply to you before he went home, but instead thought he’d do it from home – and then got too drunk to do it sensibly!!

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