Is This the Best Customer Service Email Ever?

From Southern Trains.

It’s totally fantastic. It’s like someone’s got totally shitfaced on logistics-booze and then sat down and written an email.

Dear Mr Tait

Thank you for your email.

I would advise you to reply to the consultation document by the deadline to influence the outcome
The consultation does not claim to be increasing capacity. There is no extra capacity available. It is about re-instating a direct train between Brighton and London Bridge which is moving capacity.
The loads are expected to be similar to before the timetable change i.e. Brighton predicted to on average load with 193 passengers in 223 seats, that means passengers have to use the middle seats of the 3 x 2 seating or people will stand and the Littlehampton portion is predicted to have an average load of 444 in 446 from Wivelsfield, which with the uneven loading of trains means inevitable standing.
From Haywards Heath it is predicted to have an average load of 729 in 669 seats, which is substantial standing.
The consultation document does not hide any of that. It is an open and honest evaluation of the implications to implement the request from passengers to reinstate a direct Brighton to London Bridge train where there is no spare capacity squeezed between the Brighton Victoria Gatwick Express trains required by the DFT specification after their consultation.
Having said that, further to the above I understand that from 23 March there will be a train departing Brighton at 0637 which will run fast to Haywards Heath and connect with the 0557 train from Littlehampton arriving London Bridge at 0744.
I am sure there will be a lot of passengers from Brighton who will be pleased to see a train at this time reinstated to London Bridge.

xxxxx xxxxx

I’ve not messed with the spacing either, it arrived like a lunatic’s stream of conciousness.

I’m still not sure if I can ever get to work again though.

What A Difference A Day Makes

Bang! And the snow is gone!

The red VW is still sitting pretty, but it looks less exciting today. Andy sent me this tiltshifted version of the photo which makes the whole thing even more surreal – he done it on the Tilt Shift Maker – very cool.


Brighton low tide cycle ride

An early morning bike ride along the beach at low tide on August 3rd. Sounds like fun.

I’m a bit scared by the ‘clothing optional’ bit though. But the photos of last year on Flickr don’t have too many naked people in them (phew).

And if any Brightonians are reading this some of us are meeting up for pseudo-Likemind beers at the Basketmakers tonight (Thursday 29th) from 7ish.

Boo hoo. I missed Rider Spoke.

I’m a little gutted.

I just got the programme for the Brighton Festival and got all excited when I saw that Blast Theory’s location based cycling thingy Rider Spoke is coming to Brighton for a weekend! Woo hoo!

Then I called up to try and book. And it’s all sold out. Boo Hoo.

Read more about the project here.

And just in case anyone’s got a ticket they can’t use, you know where I am ;-)

Animation That Freaked My Groove

This guy Cyriak lives in Brighton. I’m not sure I’d like to meet him…

He has got some crazy skills going on though, kind of like B3ta meets Chris Cunningham.

And if that doesn’t scare you.

Check this:

And to prove that it’s not all scary and dark, this made me chuckle:

I like a lot.

Trains and Bikes

moronic rail idiots

Inside the brain of a rail company…

Right, there’s this massive cycle ride from London to Brighton, we’ve known about it for ages, it happens every year. What should we do about it?

Hmmm… Loads of cyclists are going to ride a long way from one place to another. When they get there they’ll be really tired and won’t really want to cycle back. Shall we put a special trains to support them in their charitable cause? Perhaps we could try and create some goodwill from cycllists, who by their very nature have made a lifestyle choice that shows they’re not alpha-motorists.

We could still charge them for it so we wouldn’t lose money.

Nah, sod it. Let’s not bother. Let’s just ban them all from the rail network. That’ll make our lives easier. They can get someone to come and pick them up in the car.

Trains should be so good. But they’re just not.